Second Hand Stories

And sent a picture to some of my friends...

Back when I had a girlfriend, yes I had an actual female be attracted to me. The key word there is "had" because we broke up.

She lit my underwear on fire. I'm not bitter

Anyway, when we were dating she used to say I was emotionally closed off. I know right. Go figure

Anywho. She would ask me to tell her something about myself that I had never told anyone.

I told her the following story:

When I was young we moved around a lot. There was one summer when my mom wanted to go to school and so she dropped me off at my Uncles house to stay for the summer.
I'm not sure how I was related to them but they were two men I called Uncle. I don't think they were gay either, just eccentric.

Just so you kind of understand what was going on. My uncles lived on this farm in the middle of nowhere and they looked like if Michael Caine and Robert Duvall had decided to be recluses. And by recluses I mean no TV, internet, or phone.

Anyway. This was the summer of puberty for me and these two men were not great at dealing with that. They taught me the rules for being a man and how the best way to live your life was as well as fantastical stories from their past.

I remember this one time, my one Uncle got into a fight with four or five hooligans in town and beat them. He took them back to the farm and taught them how to be a man.

Another time they started a garden but accidentally only planted corn. HAHA what old people.

Good times.

However, the greatest moment of that summer came when we got a lion from a travelling salesman that I named Jasmine....

I'm still single by the way....